Yes Ma’am

As adults we reminisce fondly of our school days. We hold memories of our teachers walking into class, all students becoming silent, scrambling up to stand straight and saying “Good Morning/Afternoon” in a typical sing song voice! 

Contrast this to a classroom of today ... A teacher walks in. Some students become silent; many continue to talk regardless. The teacher looks dismayed and asks students to stand up and greet her. A lecture on respecting teachers follows. Most students hear her out with a bored look. The teacher goes back to the staff room fuming about how this generation lacks manners and values! 

Why has the behaviour of students changed? 

In the past was it fear or was it respect that prompted students to stand up and greet the teacher? Or was it the successful drill of the moral science classes where they learnt endlessly to “Respect your elders!”

On this thought we would like to share a school bus episode. A few front seats of a school bus were always ‘reserved’ for teachers. Over time the number of teachers commuting on that bus went up. Students who travelled on the same bus resisted giving away seats to teachers, especially those who did not teach their class. This prompted a senior teacher to scream at them and ask them to give up their seats. She questioned their behaviour and told them that they needed to have respect for their teachers. Some students got up reluctantly that day only to repeat the same story the next day. 

As adults we find it natural to impose authority and demand respect. However, do we really look at children to offer us seats for the fear of punishment? Or do we want them to respect us because they consider us worthy of their respect? 

Teachers in the past were revered as being the fountains of all knowledge. Today children have access to this knowledge easily in the print and electronic media and on the Internet. 
The school system in the past was entirely geared towards ‘doing as you are told to’. So students unquestioningly accepted all information that teachers provided; and did as they were told to do. 

On the other hand, teaching methods now adopted in schools encourage children to think, ask questions, debate and share opinion. To demand respect and unquestioning obedience from students who have internalised these skills is - unrealistic. 

Let us also reflect on current societal attitudes. Adults nurture relationships only when they see some tangible benefits from them. Children imbibe this at a very early age. 

The days of blind respect and obedience are over. Teachers today need to work on building bridges with children; enjoying the new age children who at times are ahead of adults!

Teachers may need to think of new age roles for themselves - as facilitators or mentors and work towards bringing wisdom rather than just knowledge to their students. 

Learning to Introspect

As times have changed, so has parenting. Unlike mothers of yesteryears who were preoccupied with catering to large families and a never ending series of house-hold tasks, mothers in modern times have clear cut priorities. 

Raising a ‘perfect’ child seems to be the unspoken ambition for them. Mothers of toddlers are seen in a frenzy of buying picture books, educational CDs and toys. Mothers of five to eight year olds hunt desperately for the ideal activity class to bring out their child’s hidden talent. The more the child grows, the more parents become excited and anxious to go that extra mile to bring him/her up perfectly. What the child needs is often asked but seldom understood.

At the same time parents are anxious to instil the right values in their child. The child is made to learn the 'good behaviour' norms almost as quickly as he/she is encouraged to learn the multiplication tables! The rigour with which this is enforced can make a Marshal proud. 

Inspire believes that along with exhibiting these aspirations and expectations for the child, parents must consider giving the child the ‘space’ he/she deserves. This space eventually helps to accentuate emotional and intellectual growth in the child. 

Here we would like to share Arun’s story with you. 

Arun shared a special relationship with his mother. Every morning she would drop him to school in their Maruti 800. For some years the arrangement went on well. As Arun entered teenage he developed a sense of self-consciousness. He began to compare their Maruti 800 to all the big and fancy cars that streamed in to the school entrance each morning. One day, he casually told his mother, “You don’t have to drive all the way in mother. You can park the car a little before the main entrance and I can comfortably walk to school from there.” 

What do you think the mother did?

She could have indulged in morality talk and lectured the boy on being content with what they had. She could advise him to stop comparing and look at himself with dignity. She could even go ahead to prove that owning a Maruti 800 did not in any way make her or her son inferior.

Arun’s mother, however, did none of this. Instead, she did exactly as her son had asked her to do. In doing so she honoured the state of mind her son was in. She gave him the space he needed to think and realise his feelings. Although she wanted her son to be happy and proud of what he was, she drew a line and did not rub her own values and thoughts on to him.

Six months later, Arun brought up the topic again. This time he said, “I am fine with it mother, you can drop me right in. I think it is just fine.” His mother smiled with pride and warmth. She knew her son had come around. 

During the six months that her child went through a confusion of identity, she resisted the temptation more than once to ‘help out’. She chose to give him the space and independence to develop his own sense of self. 

The question that arises here is, - 'Will a child always make the right decision? Will a firm value system evolve if children are always allowed their space and freedom?'

If the focus shifts away from trying to raise a perfect child, this is definitely achievable. We will need to trust our children and give them the opportunity to figure things out for themselves. 

As one of the first steps in building a sense of self worth in children, we do not have to immerse the six year old in days packed with back-to-back activity schedules. He/She should be able to appreciate learning things instead of running against time to complete his/her karate- skating-swimming-drawing- dancing routine. The value of learning increases manifold when the child understands that he/she does not need to do all of this, but he/she may like to do some of them. 

Similarly the child should find it natural to make a few minor mistakes or errors of judgement without bringing forth a strong reaction from the parents. These mistakes will help him/her explore choices, experiment, and eventually pick the right one. 

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Nothing in the world can work better than this to boost the child’s self-worth and confidence.